For Always
by ice illuser
Summary: Matsumoto wonders how you can miss someone that you never really knew. But she knew him, didn't she? She had always known that he would most likely leave her behind again, the way he always had. GinRangiku.


Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach there would have been another Gin/Rangiku moment already. Since there really haven't been any, I don't own Bleach.

A/N: Here is another drably thing that I want to write because I absolutely love the relationship between Gin and Matsumoto. It was a line that got stuck in my head, "how do you miss someone you never really knew?" and so I automatically thought about them, and then I added Hitsugaya and Hinamori for the hell of it. I hope you enjoy this!

--

She wasn't even sure why she bothered, but it was traditional, so every afternoon she boiled up some tea and then both she and Hitsugaya-taichou took a break to drink it. Before the…thing had happened, it had been fun. She would goof off, and tease Hitsugaya-taichou about how short he was ("You need to grow taller taichou, or Hinamori-chan will always think that you're a kid!"). Now however…there really wasn't much to laugh about. Not with Hitsugaya-taichou returning every afternoon from visiting Hinamori-chan with that look on his face that prevented her from even making one teasing comment.

And then there was…him. Gin. Who she didn't want to think about at all.

Her head went up as she heard the front door of the 10th division building open, and then slam shut. She hastily took the kettle off the stove, and had poured two cups of tea when Hitsugaya had stormed into the room. He practically fell into the chair, and gulped down the tea, glaring moodily around the room.

Matsumoto sat down as well, and picking up her cup asked, "So…how did it go?"

"How do you think it went?" snapped Hitsugaya, settling farther back into his chair.

"Ah. So it's still that way," Matsumoto commented, touching the cup to her lip, "Well, don't worry about it, I'm sure she'll be fine in a—"

Hitsugaya slammed his hands on the table, causing the kettle and teacups to rattle, "She's not going to be fine," he snarled, "not at this rate! She keeps going on about Aizen, it's always Aizen can't be guilty! He couldn't be! It was obviously Ichimaru-taichou that—" he abruptly stopped, and slumped, "I'm sorry," he said stonily.

Matsumoto calmly sipped her tea, although if one looked closely they could see her hand shake, "No, it's fine. Go on if you like taichou."

Hitsugaya sighed, running a hand through his snow white hair, "There's not really much else to say," he admitted, pouring himself more tea, "she just keeps on denying that Aizen could have ever done anything bad."

"And what does Unohana-taichou say about it?" Matsumoto asked, idly fiddling with the pink scarf draped around her shoulders.

"She says that it might heal over time, but that the rest is really up to her," replied Hitsugaya, steepling his fingers, and resting his head on them, "It's not going well obviously."

"I don't know about that," said Matsumoto thoughtfully, as she poured some more tea for Hitsugaya, "She could be getting better on her own, you never know. After all, she's up now, not in a coma anymore. That has to be some improvement."

"It's only physical improvement. Mentally, she's not getting any better," said Hitsugaya picking up the cup and staring blankly at it.

"She'll get better," Matsumoto said confidently, "After all, Hinamori-chan is made of stronger stuff than that."

Hitsugaya didn't say anything, just staring at the warm brown of his tea in silence, "It's not like I don't know that," he finally said, still looking at his tea, "But…she's not dealing well. She won't admit that she never really knew him."

"None of us did," Matsumoto said in a reasonable tone of voice, "And no one would deal too well with what happened to her. Of course she's not dealing well."

Hitsugaya snorted, drinking his tea, "But not many would go into denial like her," he said softly.

Matsumoto shrugged, "We all have our own ways of dealing with things," she said distantly, "Perhaps this is just her way."

Setting his cup back onto the table, Hitsugaya abruptly said, "When I find Aizen, I'm going to kill the bastard."

"You'll have to beat a bunch of other people to it then," Matsumoto said lightly, "Including me."

Hitsugaya coughed, and then began haltingly, "Matsumoto, about Gin—"

"Oh my, look what I've got here!" said Matsumoto brightly, taking out a large green bottle and putting it on the table, "Sake! And I'll even let you have some taichou, even if you're really a minor!"

Hitsugaya twitched, before bellowing, "_Matsumoto!"_

--

Matsumoto grinned happily as she surveyed the mess. After Hitsugaya-taichou had shouted her out of the division building, along with the rest of her stash of sake, she had gathered together a large group of people (excluding Kyouraku-taichou though, since Nanao would have given her hell) and they had proceeded to get roaring drunk.

Or, correction, everyone else had. Matsumoto had a really high tolerance for alcohol which many an unfortunate man had discovered when challenging her to drinking contest. Never a good idea. The only person who had managed to drink her under the table had been Gin—and here she was thinking about him again when the entire reason that she had even bothered to pull out her secret stash was to forget about him.

But, she admitted to herself, not thinking about Gin was probably as hard as it was for Hinamori-chan not to think of Aizen. Of course, it wasn't as if Gin had stabbed her through the chest after years of devoted work for him. However…

"_It's a little disappointing, I really wouldn't have minded being held for a little longer. See you, Rangiku. Sorry."_

Matsumoto punched the wall angrily, "That damn bastard," she cursed, "Why couldn't you have said something else? You should have said something evil and bastardly. You shouldn't have said that you were sorry of all things!"

She slumped to the ground, wrapping her fingers around the pink scarf. It had been one of those rare gifts from Gin, who rarely gave her anything. He would sometimes buy her some food, or some sake depending on the occasion, but rarely anything more permanent than that. She had been extremely surprised when on the day that Gin had found her that served as her birthday he had swung by her office to drop it off. _"Something nice for ya," _he had said, grinning his trademark smile.

"_She won't admit that she never really knew him."_

She wondered if that was her as well. Refusing to acknowledge that she never knew Gin. But she had, hadn't she? She had always known that he was up to something. That he would most likely leave her behind again, like he always had.

But she had also always thought that somewhere in the depths of Gin's unfathomable heart he had cared for her in his own strange way. He had saved her from certain starvation and had given her a birthday. He could have fought her that fateful night when Hinamori-chan had attacked Hitsugaya-taichou, but he had simply withdrawn. She was the only one that he had actually apologized to when he left for Hueco Mundo. If he had cared about her though, why had he left? If he had felt regret, why hadn't he just stayed?

Absentmindedly Matsumoto popped open a leftover bottle of sake, and took a big gulp. She knew there was a simple answer to all her questions, and it wasn't pretty but it had to be admitted for her own sake. He might have cared for her, but perhaps he hadn't cared enough to stay. Maybe he cared, just not enough to not follow Aizen to his dreams of god-like power. She sighed, running a hand through her thick mane of honey colored hair, "I'm not drunk enough to think about this," she muttered, drinking more sake.

"Think about what?" asked a familiar voice behind her.

Matsumoto spun around and stared in shock at Gin, wearing long white robes, perched fox-like on an overturned table. "Gin," she said dumbly, then shook her head, gulping down more sake, "I must be drunker than I thought," she mused, tossing the empty bottle away haphazardly, and grabbing another leftover bottle.

Long white fingers caught her hand and gently took away the bottle, "Not like ya Rangiku," Gin said grinning, but with undertones of worry, "Ya should know better than to drink away your worries."

Matsumoto snatched her hand back as though burned. "What are you doing here?" she hissed, blue eyes blazing.

"Can't a guy come back to see an old friend?" Gin asked, kicking away a few empty bottles.

"Not if that guy betrayed everyone," Matsumoto retorted, putting a hand on the hilt of Haineko, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't gut you right now."

"Because ya don't want to," replied Gin simply, not moving.

"Who says I don't want to, you bastard?" demanded Matsumoto angrily, "You make Hinamori-can fight Hitsugaya-taichou, you nearly kill both of them, and then you just leave—"

Gin put a finger on her lips to silence her, "Nevertheless," he said slowly, "ya don't want to."

"You—" began Matsumoto furiously, but was silenced as Gin wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

"I missed you," he said softly, slightly muffled by her hair.

Matsumoto knew that she should push him off and ram Haineko through him, but then again she shouldn't have gotten into this situation in the first place. She should have screamed upon seeing him (although whether or not that would have even made the drunken idiots twitch was highly questionable) or at the very least kneed him where it really hurts. She knew she was fighting a losing battle against herself as she finally let her arms wrap around Gin's neck. "I hate you," she mumbled for good measure.

"I know," Gin said, and she could feel him smiling against her skin, "Ya should."

"Bastard," she groused, meaning it in every sense of the word and at the same time not meaning it at all.

"Always," he agreed lightly, lifting his head so he could look her in the eyes, "So don't worry too much."

"About what—" she asked, but was abruptly interrupted by Gin firmly pressing his lips onto her own. This, she knew, was really not good. Not making out with the enemy was probably one of those rules that was probably up there with, "Never tease Hitsugaya-taichou about Hinamori-chan and his height at the same time, because he might decide that freezing you is much easier than putting up with you," and, "Never give Yachiru a ton of candy unless you want Zaraki-taichou coming over to yell at you."

Yes, now would be a really good time to push him off. There was one problem however, and that was that she didn't want to. Instead she was clutching him, as though afraid that he would fall away as nothing more than a dream, and frantically kissing him back. He was the one to finally draw back, panting. "Sorry about all of this Rangiku," he murmured next to her ear, "I shouldn't even be here, but I wanted to see ya."

"Gin," she whispered, "I love—"

"I have to go now," he continued, "I'm sorry, it has to be this way."

"Gin, no," she said frantically, grabbing his robe, "Don't go! Don't leave me behind again!"

"Shh," he said, lightly pressing a few points on her neck, "Go to sleep Rangiku. Stay safe," he said, as he gently lowered her to the ground, "I promise I'll come back for ya when it's all over."

--

Matsumoto opened her eyes blearily, and stared at the same mess that she had remembered. _Was it just all a dream then? _She wondered, standing up, _yeah, it's just desperation—_

A long white robe slid down from her arms, and puddling down at her feet. She stared at the robe, before beginning to laugh. She sat by the robe, supporting her head with her hand, still laughing her head off.

Ikkaku, having finally woken up, but suffering from an extreme hangover (which was what happened every single time Matsumoto decided to throw a sake bash) growled, "What the hell is that funny Matsumoto?"

"None of you business Baldy," replied Matsumoto still snickering, "All you have to know is that the next time I see a certain bastard I'm dragging him home."

This left Ikkaku very confused, since he had no idea who Matsumoto was talking about, but he decided to remedy that by kicking Renji in the head. Matsumoto ignored the subsequent fighting, and clenched the robe between her fingers. _Bastard, _she thought affectionately.

--

A/N: Okay…it might have been a bit OOC (but please tell me that it wasn't…), I still left Gin's motives in the dark on purpose, and the ending was pretty bad, but please review to tell me what you think about it!


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